Hi Footy Friend

[To make room for today's tribute, our Sunday edition of soccer-related programs and news will be moved to Monday (tomorrow)]

On Wednesday, while typing away at my computer I glanced at my phone as a text message came through from Gianluca, our Director of Ref Ops (and GM of BetterPlayer). I briefly caught the words "Tom Gerbasi" and "passed" and chose not to unlock my phone.

That can't be what I think it is.

I summoned the courage to unlock my phone and read the dreaded message in its entirety.

I still struggle to accept this reality, even as I type this message to the community. Tom was more than a friend because he had that extraordinarily rare ability to feel like family almost instantly. It felt like losing an uncle. I know I'm not alone in Footy members that will say the same.

What was worse about that dreaded day, was no sooner had I come to terms with the significance of that text, that a separate message from a different friend (and Footy player) came through about a player's passing. I assumed it was Tommy, of course. I had only once, ever, received a text message that a Footy player had died. It didn't for a second cross my mind that Adam might be referencing someone other than Thomas.

He was.

He was referring to one of his best friends he met playing Footy, Andrew Wong, a long time Footy player who passed away in a tragic accident while doing what he loved out west: hiking.

It was, without a doubt, the darkest day in NYC Footy's 15 year history.

Tom Gerbasi

There's a face I know I'll see when I show up at any Footy tournament. The encounter will begin with a witty remark or an anecdote that ensures I turn around with a smile to see the smirking, mischievous face of Thomas Gerbasi.

I met Tommy right when we were starting BetterPlayer. I can't recall if it was our first program or not, but it was amongst the earliest. He was in his mid-50s and wanted to give soccer a shot for the first time.

It stuck.

He was arguably the most committed member of the NYC Footy and BetterPlayer communities. He registered for both BetterPlayer and NYC Footy programs every season. But not just one. Multiple. And he'd commute from Staten island, most often with his lovely wife, Sonia.

Up until this past week, there were three guarantees in life. Death, taxes and a Tom Gerbasi Instagram post about how his recent Footy game went. I read every one and there was almost certainly a chuckle to be had as he planted some self-deprecating remark about his goalkeeping skills or how he ended up, once again, face down on the turf.

Tom was one of the most socially gifted humans I ever met. He was as direct as House, MD. Told it like it is, as they say. But it was impossible to be offended by it. That's a gift. It's the type of diplomacy that could unite two arch enemies without an ounce of performance to it. I can't begin to explain how rare that is and, more-so, how important that type of personality is in today's climate.

Tommy was everything I ever wanted NYC Footy to embody. Community, a sense of humor, honesty, reliability, not taking oneself too seriously, courage...

He tried a team sport. For the first time. In his 50s. He also has some inspirational words to share about it.

He joined multiple free agent teams, making friends wherever he went. He lost more games than he won (I'd wager a lot more). But at the end of each game, his post highlighted the team chemistry, the improvements, the fight. Often calling out specific players for their contributions. His key weekly fixture, his pride and joy, was his Sunday league with the Corrupted Youth FC, where the weekly team photo was a game of "guess who" would keep their top on.

You can tell when talking to Tom that his life was no walk in the park. And I sit here, muddled in regret for not spending more time asking him about his journey. It was so obviously interesting (this tribute piece from Yahoo Sports shares a wonderful teaser).

How did he find his way into boxing and ultimately as the editorial director for UFC? How did he meet his wonderful wife, Sonia, who shared such an inspiring bond as they ventured upon this soccer journey together? Why, in his mid 50s, did he decide to enter the intimidating and youthful world of soccer? Why, in his mid-50s did he say "fuck it" and join a Tough Mudder challenge? Was he always this way? Was there an event that sparked this "the time is now" attitude to living life?

I'm hopeful that I'll capture some of this from his writings. Less than 2 weeks ago, he published a book about boxing that will be a coffee table fixture in countless homes. The type of book that only one respected at the highest levels of the game can publish. Mine's already en route...

I really don't have the words to express how I'm feeling at this moment. What I keep coming back to as I look at photos of him on my phone is "am I really not going to see you again"?

He responds "it's nice to be missed".

These were the last words he ever texted me.

Tommy, you were family. You are family. And everyone you met will say the same, I'm certain of it. I'll eat my hat if at least one player on your team didn't call you Uncle Tommy. Because that's what it felt like having you around. We all knew you had our back. Always.

Words can't do it. They can't express the longing I feel to see you at the Footy Fest or Gov Cup or Fuchs Fest or The Cup of Dreams.

Rest easy, sir.

If you knew Tommy or feel like you knew him, please consider taking these actions:

1. Buy his book - just released. You won't regret if you're a fan of big beautiful books. It's his rendition of Boxing's 100 Best Fighters and can be found at B&N (his shared link) or Amazon.
2. Donate to a GoFundMe we set up to support his wife and family. We'll match all donations up to $10,000.
3. Read more, including this tribute from UFC, "Farewell to a King".
4. To view Thomas Gerbasi's obituary and or attend services next Saturday, visit here.

Now that you know Tommy, you'll appreciate this team photo

Andrew Wong

I didn't know Andrew particularly well. Certainly not as well as Thomas. In recent. years, he traded artificial turf for the real deal as he strengthened his commitment to hiking and presumably pursued a deeper connection with nature.

With the help of his teammate Adam, he was a fixture for funny team names (including Terrible Team Name TBD, Open to Sponsorship, Team 1, I Never Once Read Those Emails, It's Coming Home) and a regular at Battery Park and our tournaments.

He was a brilliant mind (graduating #1 in his class) and paired that with wonderful athleticism. He has left us far too soon and leaves behind so many loved ones that will long, forever, for one more moment with him.

For words far more eloquent and deeply personal than mine, you can find the beautiful tribute that honors his life here.

I'll take this moment to also honor Karenna Groff, a brilliant and talented MIT grad and athlete with the most promising future ahead of her. She passed too soon and, along with the hole she left in the lives of family and friends left behind, her loss remains felt by the NYC Footy community as well.

Thank you for listening and please reflect, for a moment, on the beauty of being alive. Please honor it by loving those around you, as a human with a human journey, even if they have strong beliefs that differ from yours.

Amidst the many sobering events of this past year, a great light for me has been how one particular relationship with someone I once considered a casual friend has strengthened inconceivably into one of my closest friendships, not despite our differences, but because of them. I wish that for this world.

And so did Tommy.

I hope to see you on the pitch.